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Player profile

Nick Johnson

Position:       Defender (centre)    

Supports:      A family

Profile:        Our DJing centre-back who thinks he’s Rio Ferdinand…without the looks! Great in the air on the pitch and a lover of Vanilla Ice off it. Picked up the nickname ‘Dirk’ after showering with the team for the first time and bearing a striking resemblance to that fella in Boogie Nights.

Shaun Stoneham

Position:       Midfielder (left)    

Supports:      Crystal Palace

Profile:        Thinks of himself as the team playboy with his all-year tan and fashion style. He loves disco dancing at the weekends and has a fetish for brightly-coloured Y-fronts – often worn to the games. A dislike is Paul Watson’s jokes. He’s not the only one!

                   He has a cultured left foot and was dubbed as “not only one of the quickest at the club, but in the league”. A quote we can attribute to Mr E Rawlins, 1st team manager.

Paul Castleton

Position:       Midfielder (centre), Forward (centre)    

Supports:      Crystal Palace

Profile:        A (‘An amazing’ is what he wanted to put) strong and tenacious midfielder who’s never short of a boast when he scores. Nicknamed ‘Chunky’ for his stockiness, he says, and ‘Magpie’ by the rest of the team as he tends to accumulate everyone’s possessions from pants to shower gel.

                   He loves wearing 80s mini shorts to training – the tighter the better.

Leighton Rees

Position:       Midfielder (centre)     

Supports:     

Profile:        A central midfielder who loves a tackle – it’s only up to the ref to determine whether it’s fair or a booking – there’s normally very little in between.

                   Quiet in the dressing room, but that’s because we think he’s just got out of bed half the time.

Stuart Rawlins

Position:       Midfielder (centre)    

Supports:      Tottenham Hotspur

Profile:        A commanding central midfielder, or so he tells us as he’s yet to play a competitive game for the 1st team due to injury. Currently fills the role of water boy / kit man / physio very well.

                   Pretty committed to the club already in his first season by dragging his girlfriend to watch, even though he’s not playing.

James Porter

Position:       Midfielder (left, centre, right)    

Supports:      Chelsea

Profile:        Cultured, versatile and reliable midfielder who thinks he’s in the mould of Frank Lampard, but slimmer. Always seems to have a new pair of boots as he’s forever sending them back (he is grateful, if you’re employed buy adidas). We reckon he’ll soon be setting up a boot consultancy for the rest of the squad.

Tom Wilken

Position:       Midfielder (left, centre, right)    

Supports:      Chelsea

Profile:        A skilful young winger who’s all-round ability is being honed by the club. A skinny lad, he’s gradually bulking up and now doesn’t mind a tackle, which has led to a few fines the club secretary enjoys reminding him (and the rest of the team) of.

Billy Chapman

Position:       Midfielder (right)    

Supports:      Millwall

Profile:        A versatile, tenacious midfielder who’s played in a number of positions. Shows good pace for an old boy (he’s broken the 30 barrier). Aggressive in his approach, always tells the opposition what he thinks and loves a row.

                   Known as ‘Little Bill’ for his statures, he has the benefit of being able to borrow his 8 year old son’s boots!

Martin Bridger

Position:       Forward (centre, right)    

Supports:      Charlton Athletic

Profile:        A new addition to the squad this season he’s ‘the spitting image of Chesney Hawkes’ according to Dirk when he first appeared at training.

                   He’s a quick and skilful forward who says he doesn’t like missing football for trips to see the in-laws in Amsterdam. We’re not sure that he remembers once he gets there though!

Paul Watson

Position:       Head coach         

Supports:      Arsenal

Profile:        ‘Experienced and motivating coach’, say the under 9s. He’s always keen on a comeback and happy to make the bench when we’re short of numbers, although the kit looks a little tight on him now! Thinks he’s a striker, but seems to be better between the sticks, although there seems to be a tendency to get lobbed (he’s over 6 foot).

                   A keen golfer in his spare time, he’s not known for his modest attire on the golf course. We’re eagerly looking forward to the next golf day.

Eddie Rawlins

Position:       Manager         

Supports:      Tottenham Hotspur

Profile:        The first team master tactician and motivator. Often delighted with performances, but also tells players what he thinks…and doesn’t hold back.

                   ‘It’s better than watching Spurs’, he’s been known to say, but that doesn’t fill the team with confidence as we’re not sure whether this is good or not.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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